Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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