i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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