just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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