Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
