That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
