how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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