smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
