I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
