I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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