There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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