In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
