You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
