Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
