Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
