A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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