mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
