I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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