wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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