"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
