Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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