2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
