First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
