im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
