white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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