i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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