Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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