he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
