Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
