I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
