Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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