He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
