I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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