I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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