I am in a vortex of obligation.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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