It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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