No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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