is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
