oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
