Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
