you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
