Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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