day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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