I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
