all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
