i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
