i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
