How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've blown a few things in my day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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