My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
