Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
