I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You made out with two different species that night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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