please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
why is half of my head shaved?
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