Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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