Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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