His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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