hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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