I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
