Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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