You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
