please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
