I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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