The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this just has baby written all over it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
