I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
