I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
