when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
