I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
