Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
