At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
