Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass