Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
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I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?