If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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