youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be