I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
