I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize