OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
