Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i would rim the shit out of meg ryan

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  (630): i would rim the shit out of meg ryan http://tfl.nu/j227
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

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  (847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju
  Replies (209) Good night (19652) Bad night (892)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

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  (970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car http://tfl.nu/skxr
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.

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  (203): i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german. http://tfl.nu/cfoz
  Replies (18) Good night (6630) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."

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  (412): I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people." http://tfl.nu/j747
  Replies (13) Good night (1799) Bad night (4608) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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  (806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9
  Replies (30) Good night (4535) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.

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  (304): He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect. http://tfl.nu/54k7
  Replies (15) Good night (5860) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

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  (860): He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days. http://tfl.nu/v2o4
  Replies (18) Good night (5280) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

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  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
  Replies (9) Good night (5136) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.

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  (678): Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch. http://tfl.nu/rrk7
  Replies (7) Good night (2817) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You have plans tonight?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope

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  (330): You have plans tonight? (1-330): Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope http://tfl.nu/9w5b
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  (254): View more from Texas

  you are never too drunk for berry picking

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  (254): you are never too drunk for berry picking http://tfl.nu/1gaj
  Replies (7) Good night (1379) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again

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  (905): I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again http://tfl.nu/ut4u
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much

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  (603): And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much http://tfl.nu/ke95
  Replies (1) Good night (235) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!

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  (504): If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!! http://tfl.nu/gw9p
  Replies (2) Good night (580) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt

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