my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!