I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...