anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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